I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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