We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
