Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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