sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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