you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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