Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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