Why does Corona taste like a burp?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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