if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
