Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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