my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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