You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
