dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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