I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
