You're my little dorito
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
