I wish my penis had an off switch
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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