I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
