And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
