Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
