i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
