There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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