she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
