I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
