last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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