you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
