That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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