you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
