I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
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I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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