And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
