I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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