Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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