Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
