OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
