Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
