Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
