dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
