i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
