I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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