My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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