she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
