me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
