Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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