new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
