I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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