when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
