third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
