This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
