Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
