she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
