I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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