Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
