Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she smelled like a LAN party
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
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The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.