My balls are so social today.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.