you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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