What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How does one acquire holy water?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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