Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
