you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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