The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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