i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
