I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
