never play flip cup with pint glasses
im six kinds of drunk right now
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
