i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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