Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
