Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
