your thong is hanging out like whoa
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
