Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
