His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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