May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Randomize
