PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
