Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
