I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
