Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
