Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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