I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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