We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
