i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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