Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
