True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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