I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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